The Daily G.I.F.T. from The GratiDude

I broke the energetic chain of male self-destruction. So, I got that going for me, which is nice.

www.grateful4.org

Gratitude

Intention

First

Things

The G.I.F.T. Today

Grateful: for seeing all the signs all the time of the Universe conspiring for my joy and happiness.

Intention-feel for any resistance to abundance and explore as observer not judger

First-Arslan

Things-groceries for the latest apocalyptic weather.

Morning Meditation from The GratiDude

This moment right here yesterday was one of the greatest moments of my life.  This isn’t hyperbole or exaggeration and I’m not making this up.

This was one of the greatest moments of my life experience so far.  For sure.

Because when I quit drinking alcohol, everything became very clear, and the right person got behind the wheel and took back over my life experience.

God and the Universe led me to believe that pursuing sobriety from alcohol was necessary and urgent for me to secure the marriage and family dynamic that I had worked so hard to create.

I visualized being arrested or having an accident or doing something irresponsible while I’m intoxicated that would lead to the demise of my marriage and to trauma and toxic experiences for my children.

I use that negative imagery to motivate me to have the courage to muster the faith to go dry back in May 2019.

My Father Arthur E. Carpenter was already dead by the time I turned sixteen and ironically, the first car that I had the opportunity to drive around in was the car that he used to drive out to the cornfield outside of Ann Arbor and take his own life in.  

He got out of the car and positioned himself facing the car and his back to the cornfields so the mess would spray away from the car.

But some of the blood got on door jam of the Driver’s side of the powder blue 1984 Ford Escort with 5 speed manual transmission.

But I didn’t give a shit about that! I had a car to drive, girls to pick up, beer to pimp, and a life to live!

So I thought.

Many of you have heard this story, but the fact that I drove that car for about a month before it was repossessed while I was 15 years old without a driver’s license and made up excuses about the blood splatter saying that it came from a deer when really it was from my dad’s cranium.

That’s some crazy shit, isn’t it?  

The crazier shit is that I was 15 years old, and I could compartmentalize the blood spatter and even driving  that damn car.  I was able to simply bury and deny what should’ve been an unimaginably morbid practice of driving my dad’s car that was his suicidemobile at the tender age of fifteen.

Fuck, I was a Baby.

Now, in the words of Bob Seger, Turn the Page.

I’m here now because I saved myself from myself when I forgave myself for all the shit that was never really my fault.

And I got back to accepting me and loving me for my true gifts and for THIS path of The GratiDude.

Imagine the joy that I felt over the last few months as I knew that I was going to be present, emotionally, and mentally,  when my son Lucas was turning sixteen and getting ready to drive.  They have something like a 4.5 grade point average as they volunteer in the community at the Humane Society and Art Camp as well. They work 20 hours a week at Chick-fil-A and they’re the kindest kid in their class every time. If I  could buy the kid a brand-new Lexus, I would, but instead they’re gonna enjoy a $5000 Toyota engine for a few hundred thousand miles and drive that thing into the ground.

The Love I have for Lucas is so deep, wide, and profound I could not fully articulate it. Their emotional intelligence has been an island of acceptance within my former nuclear family, and we have a special connection and loyalty to each other that I am confident will continue to grow until my consciousness moves to another experience.

It has nothing to do with the car, the car is just an expression of my dedication and love for them, and as symbol of me making hard choices that NOW allow me to be active in their life and supportive of them, pursuing their own personal greatness.

It is the feeling of love and the growing cosmic connection between myself and my family and friends that I pursue vigorously every single day instead of pursuing things or objects or possessions or visible wins that might be celebrated by strangers.  

The cultivation of expanded love and more meaningful relationships are the unquantifiable things that I strive for through my practice, my teaching nonprofit, and my daily behavior.