Gratitude creates accountability. Bye-bye Victimhood! Hello Life Experience!
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Grateful: for the feeling of life slowing down with my growing calm
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Morning Meditation from The GratiDude
The big shift is when you stop referring to your experience as something that happens to you and instead, you start saying that things are simply happening.
You have removed yourself linguistically as a matter of having already released yourself mentally and emotionally from victimhood.
A dear friend of mine and mentor Bob Dugan, Renaissance Man of Faith and Holy Cross alumnus, talks about how he came to understand the importance of faith and his relationship with his God during his adult life.
He realized that he would curse or question god’s intentions for him, and benevolence when things would be challenging or difficult for him. Like having polio for example, as a kid and being able to hit the baseball 300 feet but barely being able to run to first base to even get a single out of what should’ve been a home run.
That can make any kid sour fast and make someone angry at their circumstance if they’re not able to understand how everything has purpose and meaning, even if we can’t understand it in our small minds or in our own time.
When Bob started to realize that he needed to equally praise and thank God for all his blessings and good tidings and not just curse God when things didn’t go exactly as planned or when the hand that he was dealt was not going to bring any winnings that day, everything turned for the better.
When Bob started to realize this, he realized just how important his faith and God was in his relationship with his life experience and then he needed to really double down and be a lot more patient so that outcomes and circumstances could be revealed that might help him better understand why he was faced with some of the challenges that he had to undergo.
And that those very same challenges turned out to be blessings in disguise.
When I came out of my alcohol anxiety of about 10 years, I realized that if I look back at all the relationships that I had had in my life and narrow down to the unhealthy relationships, I found only one common denominator:
Me.
And every weird or unhealthy or toxic relationship was just like a dance that could only happen when two people participate. For the longest time, I would simply chalk up the fact that my ex-girlfriend was crazy and that what happened to me, was result of me being a victim, and not the fact that I had numerous signs to see that that woman was nuts and I chose to ignore those ego gratification and pleasure.
I was simply paying the price because the universe will continue to deliver the pain until you learn the lesson that you’re supposed to learn.
In this video here, I love the guy who’s receiving packages and how at first, he gets extremely upset and pissed off at how his packages are being treated. Then, he flips the switch and starts looking at things from their perspective and views his reality with more compassion. He looks at the weather and sees how hot it is and can only imagine how hot and miserable it must be in and out of those vehicles and that working conditions must be brutal for folks to behave when they are doing their job and getting paid to do so.
So, he does a little experiment with kindness, in other words, he changes his own behavior to acknowledge the fact that he is the creator of his reality.
He actively moved over to the driver seat and grabbed the wheel by putting out the cooler with drinks and snacks as a way of supplementing, the compensation experience and the immediate physical comfort of the individuals delivering his packages.
Goes to show there is no rulebook necessarily on how to maneuver through life, but by slowing down and realizing that you were not a victim in the situation and taking your own personal ego emotion out of it, you can look at things more clearly, and in this case, see the overall working conditions and plate of the delivery drivers.
At which point you realize that their behavior is simply a manifestation of how they feel about their work or their boss and that it has absolutely nothing to do with you and all you can do is try to make them a little bit more comfortable so they realize in that moment that you are not a part of the problem and you are not the one delivering the pain that they are experiencing through their employment.
This is a great lesson for all of us when we check our ego and we’re willing to change our behavior or to make small adjustments to create a greater energy for everyone. We should always choose to do that.
Making these types of choices requires being grounded and not plugged into the matrix, consumed with fear, anxiety, and worry, whether it’s about elections or global wars, or other things that we can control.
Here are six ways to end the victim mindset:
1
Acknowledge it.
We can’t face our faults and change them without first acknowledging them. You must end the denial and call it what it is. It’s ok if you’re scared to do this. It’s hard. Who wants to admit they tend to do something destructive to themselves and others? But you can’t make healthy changes in your life without first claiming what you’re doing. Use the statement: “I play the victim when I ___ but I can learn to stop doing this.”
2
Be aware of your thoughts and feelings.
A lot of times when we start playing the victim, it’s because we’re wanting something, and playing the victim card is how we’ve learned how to get it. Being aware of what you’re thinking and feeling can provide clarity to this cycle and help you to choose something different.
For example, I’m feeling unloved and ignored and am wanting some attention. Therefore, I make my friend at fault for something they did, stir up some drama, and before I know it, my friend is apologizing and giving me lots of love and attention.
Instead of playing the victim to get my needs met and feel differently, I could have gone about it in a more constructive, healthy way. I could have asked a friend to hang out with me, written a love note to myself, practiced gratitude about what I do have, distracted myself, or served someone else to get out of my head.
Get in touch with your thoughts and feelings. What’s beneath the victim strategy?
3
Ask yourself what you need.
Much of the time, when the victim mentality is used, it is because we need:
love, empathy, self-care, control, or attention.
Ask yourself what you need. You may first need to learn about yourself. What do you like? How do you receive love? What’s your temperament? If you’re an introvert, do you just need a nap or space to be alone? If your love language is words of affirmation, has anyone told you lately what you mean to them?
While one person can’t meet all your needs as soon as you need them, being aware of what you need is a good place to start. Then you can best figure out how to get it met.
4
Practice Gratitude.
When you’re in full pity-party mode, it’s usually because you’re focused on what you don’t have. But on the other hand, you are typically at your best when you are practicing gratitude daily. Yes, daily. And don’t forget to write it down. Use a journal, an app, a planner, or whatever works for you.
How can someone be in poor-me, pity-party, victim-mode living when they are feeling blessed, grateful, and full? You’re right. They can’t. Grateful people aren’t selfish. Grateful people aren’t self-absorbed. Grateful people aren’t jealous. Grateful people aren’t narcissistic. As you start practicing gratitude you will notice your victim mentality melt away.
5
Practice forgiveness and grace.
Holding on to bitterness and anger toward someone doesn’t benefit you. In fact, it harms you in multiples ways. Remembering all the time when you’ve needed forgiveness and grace can help soften your negative feelings toward someone. Start there. Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes, and no one can read minds or get it right every time. No one.
6
Get help.
No one lives in a bubble. No one is completely independent. The beauty of living is being in a relationship. It makes us better humans.
It is strong, courageous, and humble to ask for help. We all need it. Why keep stumbling, keep making the same mistake, struggling to do it all on our own when we don’t have to?
Everyone needs a Coach, a therapist, folks to talk to and cry with.
Do NOT let the people that don’t care about us be the ones to read us bedtime stories.
Those stories give us nightmares.
Those are not the people that we listen to before we go to bed or when we wake up.
Be vigilant while protecting your thoughts and energy, especially in the morning and before bed.
Close your eyes connect to your breath and listen to where the real answers come from because they’re not coming from the screen and they’re not coming in a box from Amazon.
You have all the answers you need, and you are enough.
With that, all you need to do now is to pack lunch. Make sure you have your permission slip and head out the door with an attitude of gratitude.
EVERY DAY:
Love
and
Gratitude
https://www.instagram.com/GratiDude_abides
KevinACarpenter@gmail.com/941.894.8030
Thank you sincerely.
IN LIFE AND GOLF, GET BETTER…..NOW!
HERE: https://grateful4.org
Every day, every way, grateful.
KC
I am here to help, add somebody that needs a “check up from the neck up”
KevinACarpenter@gmail.com
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